Spanking: A Loving Discipline by Roy Lessin

A Word to the Reader

You are no doubt aware of the fact that opposition to spanking as a discipline for children has increased dramatically over recent years.

Certainly much of this opposition springs from a sincere concern for the well-being of children. Yes, abuse is a reality in our world today, and stories of child abuse are heartbreaking. Has the saying “spare the rod and spoil the child” been used to justify inappropriate, even abusive, discipline? On occasion, I fear, it has. But loving and effective discipline is definitely not harsh or abusive.

Why do I still hold to the belief that spanking is an essential part of child rearing? Because God in His Word instructs us to use this kind of discipline.

Many parents who agree with the need for spanking struggle with how to do it effectively. In this book, I will show you not only why spanking is an essential part of balanced child training but also when and how to use it in a correct, loving, and positive way.

At this point you may be wondering how the subject of spanking can be considered positive. It is positive because done correctly and lovingly it moves a child away from disobedience and into proper behavior. It is positive because it is God’s idea. God is love and God is good. He would not instruct us to do something that is not good for our children or something that is inconsistent with love. God’s instructions are true and good. Through the Bible, He speaks His heart to us.

If you are a believer in Jesus Christ and are not sure if the Bible really teaches spanking as a part of child training, I hope you will take the time to prayerfully read and consider the contents of this book.

-Roy Lessin, Summer 2001

Introduction

One day while driving along the bypass of our town, a billboard caught my attention. The sign showed a picture of a cute, cuddly baby. Under the picture was the quote: “If they only came with instructions.” At first the sign made me smile, but as I passed by I wanted to go back and change the billboard to read: “Isn’t it good to know that they do come with instructions.”

That billboard is a sad reminder of how lost many parents are when it comes to raising their children. Every few years, it seems, a new philosophy or method of child training appears on the scene. Many sound good and reasonable in their own way, and parents often shift their views from one method to another, hoping that finally something will work.

The good news is that God has not left us in the dark on this subject. It makes no sense to think that God would bless us with children, command us to raise them in His ways, and then not give us any instructions on how to do it. When we buy a new appliance, the manufacturer provides an instruction manual. It tells us how to use the appliance and how to keep it in the best working order. If something goes wrong, the customer is encouraged to contact the manufacturer for repairs.

The family is God’s idea. He brought it into being. And in His Word He has given clear instructions as to how He intends it to function. (Some of these instructions are listed in the Selected Scriptures section at the back of this book.) When parents experience problems in training their children, He is the one to be consulted. He has given parents the rich counsel of His wisdom to guide them in the important matter of training their children.

For the Christian parent, spanking is not an isolated issue, but an important part of the total responsibility of bringing up children in a loving way. It is one piece of the whole puzzle. When one piece is missing, the picture is not complete. Spanking is an essential piece—but just one piece—of balanced parenting and a Christian home. Other pieces include love, example, teaching, hugging, kissing bruised knees, wiping away a sad tear, buying an ice cream cone, and a thousand other expressions of a caring heart. Spanking applies only when it’s needed.

The Bible instructs parents to “train up a child in the way he should go,” and spanking needs to be seen in the proper context of that training. The correct training of children involves four vital areas: love, discipline, teaching, and example. As parents prayerfully balance these areas, children will respond positively, allowing both parents and children to enjoy a more peaceful and loving relationship.

If spanking is not seen in the context of the other three areas, it will be out of balance. Instead of bringing positive results, it will create a sense of hardness and despair in the home. Within the context of love, teaching, and a proper example, however, spanking becomes an effective part of child training. It is essential that the Holy Spirit, rather than selfishness, inspire and control the action of parents. Anything that comes from a selfish motive brings hurt to others, but the things that are under the direction of the Spirit bear lasting fruit.

In today’s culture, the whole issue of spanking is fraught with emotion, misunderstanding, and, yes, sometimes—abuse. My goal here is to show parents (1) why opposition to spanking is misguided; (2) why spanking is an essential part of child training; (3) how to differentiate between loving correction and abuse; and (4) when and how to train children with the balanced, effective, and loving correction God describes in His Word.

This book is written specifically for believers in Jesus Christ who walk with Him and desire to train their children in the Lord’s ways. This is not a collection of opinions, nor is it an essay on a particular human philosophy of child training. I do not attempt to present or dispute all the various child-training methods that are being taught or practiced today. Neither is this material intended to be the final, all-authoritative word on the subject. There are many fine Christian books that have been written on child training. The Christian Family by Larry Christenson, and Raising Your Child to Love God by Andrew Murray are two important examples. (Some quotes from these authors are included in these pages.)

My intent is a biblical approach to the subject of spanking, presented in a practical, balanced, and loving way.

Let parents be what they want their children to be. If they would keep them from the sin of Cain, who did not love his brother, let them take care to avoid the sin of Adam, who did not love his God enough to resist temptation. Let parents lead a life marked by love to God and man; this is the atmosphere in which loving children can be trained. Let all dealings with children be in love. Cross words, sharp reproof, impatient answers, all are infectious. Love demands and does not fear self-sacrifice; time and thoughtful attention and patient perseverance are needed to train our children in the way of truth. When our children hear us speak of others, of friends or enemies, let the impression be the love of Christ. In all communication of parents with each other, let mutual esteem and respect, tender consideration and willing self-forgetfulness prove to the children that love is possible among us. Above all, let us remember that it is the love of God that is the secret of a loving home. It is where parents love the Lord their God with all their heart and strength that human love will be strengthened and sanctified. It is only the parents who are willing to live truly consecrated lives, entirely given up to God, to whom the promise and the blessing can come fully true.

[Andrew Murray, Raising Your Child to Love God Minneapolis, Minn.; Bethany House, revised edition of How to Raise Your Children for Christ, 2001.]

Excerpted from:
Spanking: A Loving Discipline by Roy Lessin
Copyright © 2002, Roy Lessin
ISBN 0764225634
Published by Bethany House Publishers
Used by permission. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.