I Don't Want Your Sex For Now

Publisher's Note: The topic of sex never fails to be controversial. Even among Christians, there is disagreement on what is or is not acceptable sexual practice within the context of a marriage relationship. The views in this article taken from the book I Don't Want Your Sex For Now are those of the author, Miles McPherson. We strongly encourage readers to talk with their parents about sex and to seek their permission before reading this excerpt (and book), as some of the information is explicit and potentially offensive.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for three years, and we have been sexually active in the past. We have since decided not to have sex until we get married. When that happens, can my girlfriend wear a white dress?”

This was a question I got from a young man who had a legitimate concern about his future. Some of you may have similar concerns. Maybe you are not on the verge of getting married, but will God forgive you so that you can wear white at your wedding? (Wearing white represents purity.)

Even though I had been sexually active from my teen years until I gave my life to Christ, my wife wore a white dress and I wore a white suit at our wedding. My wife and I had lived together and sinned sexually, but once we gave our lives to Jesus, we stopped having sex until the night we were married. God restored our sexual purity.

Before you can move on in your life, especially if you have sinned sexually, you must be willing and able to properly receive and experience the cleansing forgiveness of God.

What is forgiveness? The Bible teaches that forgiveness is an act committed by God. It is an act of His cleansing, renewing, and changing from one thing to another. It is the act of excusing or pardoning another in spite of his sins, shortcomings, and errors. The Bible tells us that only God can forgive us of our sins.

Luke 5:21 says, “Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

People can forgive the things you have done to them, but only God can remove the eternal penalty of sin, which is death in hell. Forgiveness involves God forgetting the action and never remembering it or bringing it up again.

Hebrews 10:17 says, “Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.”

God is not one to bring up the past once He has forgiven you. Satan will constantly bring up your past and make you feel as though nothing has changed in your life. People will remind you of your sin all the time. Your brothers, sisters, parents, and friends will bring up the past, but God will not. God not only forgets our sin, but He no longer holds us responsible to pay the penalty. He cleanses us from all unrighteousness related to our sin. In other words, He will cleanse your desire to sin again.

The Bible says in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

This is the most amazing thing about being forgiven: God gives us the power, ability, and desire to help us not sin anymore but instead to do things that are out of obedience to His Word.

The Bible says in Philippians 2:13, “For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.”

This forgiveness is clearly seen in a story recorded in the book of John. In the Bible, sexual sin was often punishable by a death sentence. In the following story, the woman was going to be stoned because she was caught in adultery, but Jesus had another plan in mind. As we study this story, ask God to reveal to you how much He wants to forgive and restore a pure heart in you. No matter what you have done, and I said no matter what you have done, God wants to forgive you. If He was willing to forgive the woman in this story, He cannot and will not deny you the same love.

In John chapter eight, the woman caught in adultery is facing death. Her accusers bring her to Jesus to see what He will do to her.

“But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. But early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people came to Him; and He sat down and taught them. Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst, they said to Him, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?’ ” (John 8:1–5).

The woman in this story has no leverage. She was caught in the act, she is guilty, and she is as good as dead. Only you and God know what you have done, but let’s say your life is a mess right now. You have sinned and sinned and have ignored all of God’s warnings to stop. Here you are, standing before Him, guilty, wondering what is going to happen. Well, what He does is going to depend on what you do.

First, we know that we need to come to God ourselves instead of being brought to God by those who accuse and judge us. Your reading this book is evidence of you doing just that. At the end of this chapter, you will be given a chance to get things right with God and have all of your sins erased. Prepare to humble yourself before God and confess and repent of your sin. His mercy is immeasurable, and it is there for you in your time of need.

Hebrews 4:15–16 says, “For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

First, you must accept that you have sin in your life.

First John 1:8 says, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.”

Second, you must realize that your sin, like everyone else’s, has a penalty attached to it.

Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

First John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Now, do you want to know what Jesus decided to do with the woman caught in adultery? After Jesus looked at the crowd and wrote in the dirt, He stood up and said, “ ‘He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first’ ” (John 8:7).

It is God who judges. He judges according to His Word, not man’s opinion. God is not influenced by the opinion of someone else about your sin. He loves you and wants to forgive and cleanse you. He knows everything there is to know about your life. Therefore, don’t worry about what people say. Worry about what God says and what He’s required from you. God’s requirements are clear and don’t change. His Word is not old-fashioned, because God lives outside of time. He does not change with the cultures or traditions of man. His laws are never irrelevant because of what you hear and see on television, music videos, or the movies. His laws are based on eternal principles.

The Bible says in Matthew 24:35, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.”

Fear God and obey His commandments only. After Jesus told the crowd to go ahead and throw stones if they were without sin, all of the woman’s accusers walked away. They knew that they had no right to condemn this woman. No one was without sin.

“When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, ‘Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?’ She said, ‘No one, Lord.’ And Jesus said to her, ‘Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more’ ” (John 8:10–11).

If you read the words of Jesus carefully, you will notice a few important things. Jesus gave her a new name. He called her “woman.”

Can you imagine the names this woman was called because of her sin? Harlot, adulteress, dead girl walking. But Jesus called her woman. When you walk with Jesus, your name, your title, your identity changes.

The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

In other words, once you decide to receive forgiveness from Christ and walk with Him, your life changes. Things become new again. The Bible says that we are saints, a royal priesthood, chosen people, His workmanship, and His children. These new names result from a new relationship with God. This new relationship with God brings with it a new purpose in life, a new standard for living.

Sin No More

When we receive God’s forgiveness, He gives us a new direction in life. This change in direction for life means that you must be willing to forgive others just as you have been forgiven. This change in life’s direction is called repentance. True forgiveness does not happen without true repentance. God is not a sucker. He knows the heart of man. This forgiveness I have been talking about is much more than just being forgiven for sinning sexually. It is being forgiven for all of your sin. The type of forgiveness I am talking about is complete and eternal. It is the forgiveness of salvation.

During the years of 1993–96, youth ministries nationwide were holding True Love Waits rallies for their youth. The goal was to encourage young people to make a covenant with God to remain sexually pure until they were married. I was asked to speak at about ten such rallies across the country and enjoyed speaking at them. But whenever I was asked to speak, I accepted on the one condition that I be allowed to share the Gospel. In most cases, I met no opposition. But every now and then, someone would challenge my request and ask why I was so convinced I needed to do an altar call. The first reason was that I am an evangelist at heart and want to see everyone get saved. But there was another reason. What good does it do to not have sex and still go to hell? Just because you are not having sex does not mean that God is going to forgive your sins and allow you into heaven.

The Bible says in John 3:3, “Jesus answered and said to him, ‘Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.’ ”

Nowhere does it say that if you abstain from sexual activity you will enter the kingdom of God. Yes, being sexually pure is a very vital part of being saved, but someone can withhold themselves from sex all of their life and still go to hell.

Another reason salvation is important is because upon receiving Christ as your Savior, you receive the power to do the things God has required.

Yes, people have been able to resist temptation on their own, but there is no comparison to the power you receive when Jesus becomes your Lord and the Holy Spirit comes into your heart. Therefore, it is important for you to know that salvation is key to this process.

When you receive Christ into your heart, several things will happen in your life. God separates our sin from us as far as the east is from the west.

Psalm 103:11–12 says, “For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

God knows we are hopeless and helpless without Him. He knows that we need Him and that without Him sin is going to happen and consume our lives. But He loves us and wants to cleanse us of our ugly past and prevent it from happening again. The passage continues and says,

“As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:13–14).

Remember, part of being forgiven means walking and living as though you are forgiven. Being made to feel guilty after you have been forgiven is not from God but the devil.

The Bible says that you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. Reading the Bible, depending on the Bible, and meditating on the Bible are the best defenses against the lies of the devil.

Another important part of being forgiven is being able to forgive others. I have been asked by several people who are virgins if they should discount dating and marrying someone who has been with someone else sexually. Perhaps you have this same question. First, you must be willing to forgive that person just as God has forgiven him or her. In forgiving, you must be willing to forget this person’s past and move on accepting him or her as a new person in Christ.

The Bible says in Matthew 6:14–15, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

If you want God to completely forgive you and give you a fair chance at a new start, you must be willing to forgive and love others in the same way. The Bible also challenges us not to judge someone lest we be judged.

Matthew 7:1–5 says, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the same measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck out of your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

In other words, don’t determine that someone is less than what they are based on your opinion of them. In this case, you could be judging the integrity, value, or worth of someone based on a mistake they made in the past. Instead, through the grace of God, you need to see them for what they could be in the Lord.

As you move forward in your life, take a moment right now and receive God’s eternal and complete forgiveness. Pray this prayer and put an end to your guilt and shame. Allow God to give you your spiritual virginity back.

Dear God, I believe that I have sinned. The Bible says in 1 John 1:8, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us,” and Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” I believe that my sin will kill me, my dreams, and my hope unless I have Jesus in my life. The Bible says in Romans 6:23, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

But I believe that Jesus loves me. I believe that He is the Lord, died and risen from the dead for my sin. Jesus, please forgive all my sin and cleanse me from my unrighteousness.

Please give me a pure heart, one that fears and obeys your Word. Please restore my spiritual virginity to me. I commit my entire life as well as my sexual life to you and vow to save myself until marriage.

Thank you, Jesus.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. Are you worried about not being forgiven of past sexual sin?

2. Are you having a hard time forgiving others for what they have done in the past?

3. Is there some secret sin you have that you don’t think Jesus will forgive?

4. Is there some secret sin that you need to talk to someone about in order to completely be set free from it? If so, talk to you parents, counselors, or someone you trust today.

Excerpted from:
I Don't Want Your Sex For Now by Miles McPherson
Copyright � 2001, Miles McPherson
ISBN: 0764223690
Published by Bethany House Publishers
Used by permission. Unauthorized duplication prohibited.